My married-or-otherwise-attached friends question why I would dismiss a man after one date. Forget trying to explain to them about the ones that are dismissed even before that.

There was the guy whose profile mentioned his love of scotch and tequila. Took me to a really cool bar…with scotch sommelier. Turns out, though, that he’s not much of a drinker. I finished my flight (a shot and a half, total). Conversation was fine. Whether he was talking about his work, his family, or his dog, I read a tinge of melancholy. No thank you.

There was the guy who told me stories about growing up. About college shenanigans. About his past relationships. About his twice weekly golf games. What he emphasized most was how much he loves his work. He chooses to work when he has free time. He plans to work until he dies. My marriage ended when my husband concluded that his career was his first priority. Won’t make that mistake again. So…no thank you to you, too.

There was the guy whose life is simple, but lonely. He seemed nice. Didn’t seem fun. I’m fun. I’m looking for fun. Another one bites the dust.

I don’t have rules or expectations of what makes an acceptable date. As a matter of fact, I’d prefer more casual settings, perhaps an activity instead of sitting across a table. I don’t mind traveling to a destination. I choose day over evening, coffee over cocktails. Dinner is too long for a first date.

Back on point…I’m not deciding yea or nay superficially. I believe I read people well; I am trusting my instincts more and more. I want to laugh. I want music (and, please, not just The Beatles and The Who!). I want art. Exploration. Intelligence. Challenges. I want to want to know more. I want to feel it.

I’ve continued to swipe right; I now have about 60 pen pals. Well…kinda. One date (I was heading there the last time I wrote). Nice date, no electricity. Haven’t heard from him, which is a relief. Had a great phone call with someone. Texted him a Father’s Day greeting…nada. Fine. Two others have my number and haven’t used it. Also fine.

I’ve weeded out several of the matches after brief exchanges that have fizzled before they got started…no loss. There’s only so much I have to say, or want to hear, about the beach.

One called and seemed very nice, but definitely not for me. I hope I don’t hear from him again. Another one made it clear that he was about hooking up. I have no issue with that as a possibility. However, when he suggested we meet for a drink near me, see if we’re attracted to each other and then head to my place…well…it was just too…too scripted.

So let’s talk about the handful that remain.

I’ve developed an on-going rapport with one man. We’ve taken it off-app. But I fucked up. My kids are adults. Many men in my preferred age range have kids a bit younger than mine, which is ok. This time I engaged with the father of a nine-year-old. Not ok. In truth, I just assumed this would organically run its course as most matches do. It hasn’t. We’ve taken the conversation off-app to personal texting and even a phone call. It was the call that did me in. Talk of picking up from after-school activities and meetings with teachers sent a wave of post traumatic shock through my body. I did all that with gusto when it was my time, but that time has passed and I’m not prepared to go there again. I am going to call him and be honest. Mostly. Because I wasn’t really feeling it anyway.

I’ve been asking matches if they have any interesting summer plans. One answered, “Yes. You?” I responded the only way that made sense, “That was a lame-ass answer. Please try again.” I also offered up some info about my plans. I didn’t expect to hear back from him. I did. This one is still new, so we’ll see how far it goes.

Some of the matches do have really interesting summer plans that have led to on-going interaction. Some have interesting summer plans, but do not, otherwise, seem interesting. Or I don’t see compatibility for other reasons. For example, there’s a guy who’s biking up the coast. Cool plan. Also learned that normally he runs every morning, bikes every afternoon…overzealous.

There’s one that’s caught my attention on a couple of levels. I texted him to say so this morning. Will that be the end of that? Good possibility. When I know, you’ll know.